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The anxiety over the type of person I wished to represent overwhelms me, dragging experiences, daily condundrums and battles down an endless drain.
Shame shines as the "favorite" means of punishment towards any such emotion we fail to understand.
Currently, clinging to a made up construct for life in itself has rendered my own living mind a most miserable place, and I'm very sure it is a similar story for many unfortunate people.
How frightening, to mold one's self by following other selves, when it is very much real how nobody has clear control over transformation.
Surely, with the advancements we follow, none such issues should coexist. 
I loathe the anger I am capable of feeling, loathe the cynical nature of my every thought, distressing any excitement. 
Yet, somehow, the motivation to become empty shines a light I wasn't expecting to experience.
Perhaps, by unlearning most of what has been driven inside of my own self, I can mold the pieces and create something beautiful, something I can be proud of. 

I prioritize blessing and helping my loved ones, however in doing so, the concept of prioritizing myself becomes important.

I am currently quite lost, I do apologize,
but as anyone, I will stand and fight and become beautiful.

May everyone be safe and happy.
Sam.

Closure can be mortifying, it amazes me how overwhelming power dissipates into apathy. 
I am isolating myself.
My health wavers, and my mind sleeps.

Storms are my only source of comfort.

There'll always be a degree of nostalgia using this platform to spread thoughts out there.
Updating the central datebase here, magically passing exams from my studies abroad.
Confusion is imminent, and I'm longing for a long lost time where my abdomen and stomach didn't have such violent reactions to whichever concoction of conspirarcies my mind wills believe at any given moment.
Every day is a walk closer to retreating, although I'm at a spiritual halt.
I've not been too kind to myself, I ought to be proving my gratitude towards Buddha, rather than facing walls while working, somehow supposing an answer will come to me.
Some kind of transformation's happening, hoping it can be over and done with relatively soon.
Longing for warmth, letting industrial ambient play louder than it should.

I attempt to keep this profile active despite there isn't much of a community left here.
Perhaps I use this platform as some sort of anonymous escape, so here's some updates:
I've moved to a different country, I've met people who reminded me of just how cynical and narrow minded I've always been, choosing to believe a darker reality, and I've chosen to proceed with artistic studies as it's the only subject I'm somewhat acceptable at. 
Pretending depression isn't lurking behind every corner isn't a lie anyone should attempt to believe in, however it's sinful in itself to succumb to its clutches.
Perhaps I've never properly chosen an approach on how to convey this, surely I've yet to grow and form a solid mindset, however it's safe to say, buddhism saved my life.
In roundabout ways, believing in spirituality kept me stable, but it was only because of someone who introduced me to the proper idea, that I finally had confirmation of my beliefs. 
This isn't to say on any religious tone, merely spiritually and philosphically supposedly, however there is faith involved.
Contemplating too harshly on concepts won't help.
Perhaps this isn't a correct approach (then again to each their own), however this safely gave a meaning to my life I can't yet translate.
It is as if my mind and eyes have been covered with a transparent yet darker shade most of my life, and I regret to this day my lack of wits in getting rid of it, perhaps it's laziness or succumbing to an easier defeatist reality.
As always, romantically I'm a war zone, but for the moment it's not important to dwell upon. I feel reborn in many ways.

I give enormous thanks and blessings towards anyone who wished me well or helped me.
I wish for protection and health towards anyone reading this,
Sam.

I am back from the deepest floors of Hell, having climbed upon the dead bodies of my mortal enemies and having mastered the art of life, by defeating and killing my Master in his own art. Heh.
Just kidding, I just got through a long lasting depressive episode of my life where I had almost entirely lost my mind, and have now turned the page on that chapter and am ready to depart on something which ought to be very interesting and rich. 
Began to realize it's high time I took care of myself a little more, understanding how the world works a bit better and such, appreciating what I have, and embarking on a journey questioning God and his motives.
Hah, no. It's buddhism.
Trying to understand a little bit more on the romantic algorithm.
Fixing health related conundrums. 

Above all, I'm off to study Art, in a city I've never seen before, trying to fix a little bit of this mess and follow a passion I've been attempting to cultivate for a good long while.
Turns out, I literally can't do what I'm not interested in, so... *claps hands once* what are you going to do?
It'll push my limits from an introverted perspective, involving skill, patience, distance from family and my home, and a major obstacle being that of ambition.

Hoping this won't be a major failure, or I won't be in a good place, but I've been trying to clear things up for myself to the best of my chronically depressed ability. Hahaha.
I feel a change is coming, and it feels pretty intense so far.

Having a good feeling, 
pray for me and I'll thank you dearly,

— Sam.